Becoming a (God)Mother

I recently became the godmother to very special little girl, Miss Ana Grace. Ana is the newest addition to a family that has truly become part of my own over the past eight years. I have nannied Ana's older brother Mac (8) and sister Lauren (5) since Mac was a little over a year old and since Lauren was born. I love them as if they were my own children. I have shared in the ups and downs of raising Mac and Lauren with their mother during the summers of my high school and college years when I watched them full-time, five days a week. I remember fretting about how much sugar Mac would eat or how much television he watched when he was five or six and I remember the joy of watching Lauren crawl, walk, talk, read, and dance. I remember waking up one day and wondering, "When did Mac become a young man?!" I remember every single birthday party and every dance recital. I honestly cannot imagine feeling a greater love for another human being - child or not - in the way that I love these children. I know it must be possible, as I know I cannot possibly love Mac and Lauren in the way that their mother does. It scares me, in some ways, to know that a more powerful and intense love exists. (Maybe that's why moms get a little bit crazy?!).

Yet my love for them seems like nothing in comparison to their love for me. I am truly brought to tears when I think of the way that they love me - simply and purely, in the way that only a child can - and how who I am and what I do affects their lives. I strive daily to be an inspiration and a solid role model for them. And ironically, while I try to be a great leader for them, in many ways they serve as my greatest inspiration and are unknowingly two of the greatest teachers in my life. In the eyes of a child, life is put gracefully into perspective.

When Steve and Tracy told me they were expected a much-awaited third child, I was thrilled. I knew how deeply they wanted another baby. And yet, as Tracy's due date drew closer, I found myself having "mixed feelings." I know this sounds awful, but I knew that I would never know Ana as I knew Mac and Lauren. Their family of four had become such a strong and integral part of my life, and I was as much a part of their life as they were to mine. Suddenly, there was a new factor in the picture. There was the slightest tinge of sadness as my strong bond with her family was weakened the tiniest bit by the baby that I wouldn't know quite the same.

But then Ana was born. And she changed everything. She was absolutely beautiful. The first time I held her, an entirely new reservoir of love opened in my heart for her. I hadn't known her for more than ten minutes before I was completely and utterly in love with her.

A few days later, Steve and Tracy asked me to be Ana's godmother. I can clearly remember the moment they asked. Ana was sleeping in my arms. I was overwhelmed. I was incredibly honored. Tracy told me, "You have been such a huge part of Mac and Lauren's lives, and of our lives. We want you to know that we want you to be a part of Ana's life, too." What a gesture. I don't think I have ever, in my entire life, felt so proud and loved.

I still realize that I won't know Ana like I know her brother and sister. But I will do my best to know her in every possible way I can. My world has suddenly expanded from me, myself and I, to me, myself and Ana. Being a role model to Mac and Lauren never felt like a burden to me. And it doesn't with Ana either. But in some way, I have a strong sense of duty to be an intentional role model for this little girl, to touch her life in ways that will help shape her and lead her to a joyful life of love, faith, and happiness.

Ana Grace, I am completely committed to you. I won't know you in the day-in-day-out way in which I know Mac and Lauren, but I will know you. Very well. And you will know me, too. That I can promise you.