Sunburns Aren't Sexy

Pet Peeve: People who don't wear sunscreen, or wear SPF 4.

Really, you think you're cool for being bad ass in the sun. You're not. You'll be wrinkly and leathery when you're 40, you'll most likely have some scare with a mole at some point (if not full-on skin cancer), and it's stupid. It's one simple thing you can do to maintain your health that is totally in your control. There are so many factors that are out of your control when it comes to your health, I cannot comprehend for the life of me why you'd let another go uncontrolled.

And anyway, you'll still get tan. It's not like sunblock actually "blocks" the sun. It filters.

So slather some on. Do yourself a favor, and don't be ignorant. Sunburns just aren't sexy.

Two Hands

This morning when I arrived at work I brewed my tea, sat down at my desk and read through my email while checking recent Twitter updates. One of the first statuses I read was from a woman who manages the Public Relations department for a very high-end fashion designer in NYC. She wrote:

"G-d gave us two hands. One to hold coffee, the other to hold a Blackberry-"

While I realize the humor in her post and the reality of the field I work in (social media = staying connected, 24/7), the idea that this was not purely (or even mostly) humor did make me a little sad. This woman, for as successful as she is, probably has a stronger relationship with Starbucks and her Blackberry than she does with a human being. She probably does use her two hands this way more often than not.

When I think of all the ways you can put your hands to use, clutching a beverage and a cell phone aren't really the most inspiring I can think of.



Also - just interesting to note her hesitation to use the name "God" in its fullness...I mean, it's probably just a typo, right?

Grace by Faith

I found a list of Bible study verses from a few years ago which I collected with a dear friend of mine, Janis, during a very special time in both of our lives. The very first one on the list was Romans 5:2-5 -

"Through him we have also obtained access by faith into this grace in which we stand...We rejoice in our sufferings, knowing that suffering produces endurance, and endurance produces character, and character produces hope, and hope does not put us to shame, because God's love has been poured into our hearts..."

I need these reminders that I am loved not by the works of my own hands, not by my accomplishments, not by my physical beauty, not by my lineage or my talents; I am loved by grace, by absolutely nothing of my doing. Such a simple concept. Such a powerful concept.

Aside from humbling my pride, this is a very important message for me - a chronic perfectionist. The message to me in this passage is: you don't have to do anything spectacular, be anyone important, prove anything at all to be loved by a consuming God. You just have to have faith and accept His amazing gift. Now that is something I am happy to do.

And do you know what I'm even more happy to do? To be loved by a man who mirrors God in his willingness to try to love me unconditionally by no works of my own. And to do so in return.
(See below...)

To My Main Man

You make me a better person. I love you.

Becoming a (God)Mother

I recently became the godmother to very special little girl, Miss Ana Grace. Ana is the newest addition to a family that has truly become part of my own over the past eight years. I have nannied Ana's older brother Mac (8) and sister Lauren (5) since Mac was a little over a year old and since Lauren was born. I love them as if they were my own children. I have shared in the ups and downs of raising Mac and Lauren with their mother during the summers of my high school and college years when I watched them full-time, five days a week. I remember fretting about how much sugar Mac would eat or how much television he watched when he was five or six and I remember the joy of watching Lauren crawl, walk, talk, read, and dance. I remember waking up one day and wondering, "When did Mac become a young man?!" I remember every single birthday party and every dance recital. I honestly cannot imagine feeling a greater love for another human being - child or not - in the way that I love these children. I know it must be possible, as I know I cannot possibly love Mac and Lauren in the way that their mother does. It scares me, in some ways, to know that a more powerful and intense love exists. (Maybe that's why moms get a little bit crazy?!).

Yet my love for them seems like nothing in comparison to their love for me. I am truly brought to tears when I think of the way that they love me - simply and purely, in the way that only a child can - and how who I am and what I do affects their lives. I strive daily to be an inspiration and a solid role model for them. And ironically, while I try to be a great leader for them, in many ways they serve as my greatest inspiration and are unknowingly two of the greatest teachers in my life. In the eyes of a child, life is put gracefully into perspective.

When Steve and Tracy told me they were expected a much-awaited third child, I was thrilled. I knew how deeply they wanted another baby. And yet, as Tracy's due date drew closer, I found myself having "mixed feelings." I know this sounds awful, but I knew that I would never know Ana as I knew Mac and Lauren. Their family of four had become such a strong and integral part of my life, and I was as much a part of their life as they were to mine. Suddenly, there was a new factor in the picture. There was the slightest tinge of sadness as my strong bond with her family was weakened the tiniest bit by the baby that I wouldn't know quite the same.

But then Ana was born. And she changed everything. She was absolutely beautiful. The first time I held her, an entirely new reservoir of love opened in my heart for her. I hadn't known her for more than ten minutes before I was completely and utterly in love with her.

A few days later, Steve and Tracy asked me to be Ana's godmother. I can clearly remember the moment they asked. Ana was sleeping in my arms. I was overwhelmed. I was incredibly honored. Tracy told me, "You have been such a huge part of Mac and Lauren's lives, and of our lives. We want you to know that we want you to be a part of Ana's life, too." What a gesture. I don't think I have ever, in my entire life, felt so proud and loved.

I still realize that I won't know Ana like I know her brother and sister. But I will do my best to know her in every possible way I can. My world has suddenly expanded from me, myself and I, to me, myself and Ana. Being a role model to Mac and Lauren never felt like a burden to me. And it doesn't with Ana either. But in some way, I have a strong sense of duty to be an intentional role model for this little girl, to touch her life in ways that will help shape her and lead her to a joyful life of love, faith, and happiness.

Ana Grace, I am completely committed to you. I won't know you in the day-in-day-out way in which I know Mac and Lauren, but I will know you. Very well. And you will know me, too. That I can promise you.

Courage

"May you speak and act with confidence and use courage to follow your own path."

Courage. This is a tough one.  Because it's not something that you can find and hold onto. It is ever-changing. Courage is more like an outfit, while some of the other gifts are more akin to tattoos. Courage comes and goes. It doesn't define you, as does your inner beauty or your inner strength. It is what allows you to radiate such personal attributes. Courage is also something that I feel at this point in my life, I have never had a firm grasp on.

I could write a book about courage's presence, or lack of, in my life at different points, but for this purpose I'll focus on courage in my life now. This is actually a very pressing matter that has been on my mind quite a bit lately.

The operative phrase in the book's description of courage, to me, is "use courage to follow your own path." Especially "your own path." My own path. Well, to start, before I can really even use or have courage, I need to have a path. The path is exactly what I have been struggling with lately.

I have found in the past few years that I have become a hardened person. Life has worn on me. For anyone who really knows me and the circumstances that have defined my life in the past few years, it is understandable how one can become cynical and hardened, although that is not the only possbile outcome (thus what I am trying to change).

From 2006-2008 were two especially terrible years. I suppose, in its own strong way, courage was one of the gifts that got me through them. Yet it was in the midst of those years, in such intense adversity, that I found a true and clear path for myself. I discovered who I wanted to be, how I wanted to view life, and what I wanted others to remember when they thought of me. Prior to those years, I'd striven to be everything to everyone -- the perfect person. I wanted to be caring and tender but sarcastic and witty at the same time. I wanted to be edgy and fearless while being sympathetic and humble. I was rolling myself thin with my attempts to have a jack-of-all-trades personality.

When I was forced to take time to see where I had been, where I was and take note of where I was headed on my path, I realized I was going nowhere, because I didn't have a clue where I wanted to go. I very clearly defined myself in that incredibly vulnerable time period. And yet here I am today, two years later, finding myself back at the crossroads, wondering where I am headed and where I want to be headed, and how to reconcile the two.

Specifically, the compassion and groundedness I had so valued in my life before had all but vanished with a phase of social obsession recently. It is so easy to get caught up in letting your path be defined by what jeans you own, what street you live on, how much your salary is, where you work (or who you work for), what brand names you own, or, my weakness, which designer you're touting on your feet.

I think back to 2006, when everything I wore for an entire month was straight from Goodwill or sewn by my own grandmother's hands; when I didn't take a real shower for the entire four weeks, or any type of shower at all for an entire week; when I was covered in dust and dirt and grit and snot from the most beautiful places and people; when I left everything I owned, knew and loved behind for Africa.  And it was then that I realized that I want to be a person with substance rather than a person with possessions. But today's world is brutal when it comes to substance vs. possession, and such a decision has to be intentionally kept.

I daily have to remind myself that knowing where I am on my path and where I want to go is one of the most important to-do's on my list. How can I have the courage to let my beauty and strength shine through if I have allowed a detour to suppress them deep within me?

So maybe I was mistaken. To me, the courage to follow your own path isn't really the hard part of this gift; it's the staying on your path part that is the real challenge. For others, the issue may be the exact opposite. But I find that I am very easily distracted and swept along in the tides of materialism and status and the need to be as perfect as we somehow see our movie stars as being. My courage is less about speaking and acting with confidence and more about intentionally following my own path. Every. Single. Day.

Backtracking (Not Backpacking)

When I started out on my blogging journey, I set up a task for myself: to outline the Twelve Gifts in my life. To see how they have worked in my life, how they have changed me - for better or for worse, and how I hope to use them in the future.

I have since strayed far from that task. I completed the first two - strength and beauty - and then my blog became something I never wanted it to be: a tool. My purpose in writing this blog was to foster my creativity and my youth. I absolutely loved writing as a child, in high school. And I was good at it. I dare to say that I was pretty damn good writer, actually. Years later, after countless research papers and increasing responsibilities, I mourn the loss of my creativity. My writing is not what it used to be. It has become more scientific. More professional. My biggest mistake with this blog was to allow the outside world to shape my intentions for it. During my job search in my last semester of college, I started to write intentionally for future employers instead of for myself. My writing once again took the hit. My creativity was squashed. And the inner child in me quietly cried.

Well, I have secured a job - for now. But was it all worth it? I feel like I sold out. Like I gave into the pressure of society. Like I lost a little bit of myself in the wake of resumes and applications and countless hours on Twitter. Don't get me wrong - I love my job and I do love Twitter (that's undeniable!), but there is much more to my life than that. I am a daughter and a mentor, a writer and a reader. I am a loving girlfriend, friend, godmother. I am a committed Christ-follower. I have a passion for play and a theory about life: it's simple, we make it complicated.

This past year, I made my life so much more complicated that it had to be. Life is messy, but when you let yourself go with the drama, it becomes overwhelming. There are a few simple things in life that can ground me:

• My God
• My family
• My "kids" - Mr. Mac and Misses Lauren and Ana
• My love, Daniel
• Nature
• Writing

I want this blog to be something that grounds me. I want it to be an escape from the busy-ness of everyday life. The pressures of our society are certainly real. But I want perspective. Ladies and gents - "Something Sensational to Read" is part of my perspective.

With that, I will continue on my journey to outline the Twelve Gifts in my life. Stayed tuned for the next ten -

• Courage - "May you speak and act with confidence and use courage to follow your own path."
• Compassion - "May you be gentle with yourself and others. May you forgive those who hurt you and yourself when you make mistakes."
• Hope - "Through each passage and season, may you trust the goodness of life."
• Joy - "May it keep your heart open and filled with light."
• Talent - "May you discover your own abilities and contribute them toward a better world."
• Imagination - "May you nourish your visions and dreams."
• Reverance - "May you appreciate the wonder that you are and the miracle of all creation."
• Wisdom - "Guiding your way, wisdom will lead you through knowledge to understanding. May you hear its soft voice."
• Love - "It will grow each time you give it away."
• Faith - "May you believe."

Up next, Courage.