Backtracking (Not Backpacking)

When I started out on my blogging journey, I set up a task for myself: to outline the Twelve Gifts in my life. To see how they have worked in my life, how they have changed me - for better or for worse, and how I hope to use them in the future.

I have since strayed far from that task. I completed the first two - strength and beauty - and then my blog became something I never wanted it to be: a tool. My purpose in writing this blog was to foster my creativity and my youth. I absolutely loved writing as a child, in high school. And I was good at it. I dare to say that I was pretty damn good writer, actually. Years later, after countless research papers and increasing responsibilities, I mourn the loss of my creativity. My writing is not what it used to be. It has become more scientific. More professional. My biggest mistake with this blog was to allow the outside world to shape my intentions for it. During my job search in my last semester of college, I started to write intentionally for future employers instead of for myself. My writing once again took the hit. My creativity was squashed. And the inner child in me quietly cried.

Well, I have secured a job - for now. But was it all worth it? I feel like I sold out. Like I gave into the pressure of society. Like I lost a little bit of myself in the wake of resumes and applications and countless hours on Twitter. Don't get me wrong - I love my job and I do love Twitter (that's undeniable!), but there is much more to my life than that. I am a daughter and a mentor, a writer and a reader. I am a loving girlfriend, friend, godmother. I am a committed Christ-follower. I have a passion for play and a theory about life: it's simple, we make it complicated.

This past year, I made my life so much more complicated that it had to be. Life is messy, but when you let yourself go with the drama, it becomes overwhelming. There are a few simple things in life that can ground me:

• My God
• My family
• My "kids" - Mr. Mac and Misses Lauren and Ana
• My love, Daniel
• Nature
• Writing

I want this blog to be something that grounds me. I want it to be an escape from the busy-ness of everyday life. The pressures of our society are certainly real. But I want perspective. Ladies and gents - "Something Sensational to Read" is part of my perspective.

With that, I will continue on my journey to outline the Twelve Gifts in my life. Stayed tuned for the next ten -

• Courage - "May you speak and act with confidence and use courage to follow your own path."
• Compassion - "May you be gentle with yourself and others. May you forgive those who hurt you and yourself when you make mistakes."
• Hope - "Through each passage and season, may you trust the goodness of life."
• Joy - "May it keep your heart open and filled with light."
• Talent - "May you discover your own abilities and contribute them toward a better world."
• Imagination - "May you nourish your visions and dreams."
• Reverance - "May you appreciate the wonder that you are and the miracle of all creation."
• Wisdom - "Guiding your way, wisdom will lead you through knowledge to understanding. May you hear its soft voice."
• Love - "It will grow each time you give it away."
• Faith - "May you believe."

Up next, Courage.